Until Death brings us together
by atomic muffin
Summary: Rumor had it Death had finally snapped and was running around collecting Persephones. For the record, Tooru wanted it said she was just minding her business and never intended to kidnap anybody. Anybody living, at least. It was hardly her fault pretty people kept on throwing themselves at her, begging to be stolen. Mythological AU. Tooru-is-Hades AU.


**Until Death brings us together**

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 **Summary** : Rumor had it Death had finally snapped and was running around collecting Persephones. For the record, Tooru wanted it said she was just minding her business and never intended to kidnap anybody. Anybody _living_ , at least. It was hardly her fault pretty people kept on throwing themselves at her, begging to be stolen.

Or: The mythological!AU Toorubowl nobody asked for and who only exists because I was mad I didn't find any Male!Persephone/Female!Hades content. Tooru-is-Hades AU. Crack taken more or less seriously.

 **Warning:** Vague description of violence. Muzzle. Implied domestic abuse. Morbid jokes. Vague description of a battlefield. I swear this fic is funny, just with...underlying heavy themes. I like to spice my crack with angst.

Mention of male transexuality. Blink and you will miss it though. Long-haired Todoroki. The boi is so pretty you deserve a warning.

 **Relationships** : The word harem is thrown around but as a joke. Everything is very platonic, mostly, and can be understood as strong friendship or pre-romance, you're free to pick your poison. Except my Tooru/Sass ship. This is the real deal folk. If you chose to use your shipping goggle, then you can spot mainly female/male with side-dishes of female/female and male/male when squinting really, really hard. Can easily be ignored though.

 **Note** : This is historically and mythologically inaccurate as fuck. I used summoning which, as far as i know, is not related to the Greek/Roman Mythology. I also used the roman name Persephone instead Kore cause I just prefer how it sounds. So basically it just a incoherent mix of various mythological stories. You've been warned. Also for the sake of my sanity, let's agree nobody is closely related alright? Good talk.

I made the choice to use both greek and japanese names. Greek is used like a title, Japanese names are more personal. I'm putting the list of characters and their greek equivalent at the end note to avoid spoiling too much. If you're too confused by who's who, you can refer to that.

This work was betaed by the amazing Saccha. Seriously it probably would have never seen the light of the day without her enabling me. I wouldn't be surprised if ¼ of the ideas are hers.

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In retrospect, none of this mess would have happened if Aizawa had sucked it up and went to Nyx's party like he was supposed to. _He_ was her son after all, not Tooru. He should have been the one forced to chitchat with boring deities convinced they were the next coming of Chaos themselves or avoid talking to her great great aunt Nyx _sweetheart you look grea...oh wait, I had forgotten ahaha_. Not Tooru, _dammit_.

Tooru hated gods' parties as a rule. Don't misunderstand her, she loved having fun as much as everyone else, especially considering her...hm...let's say _stressful job_. But most of the time people either didn't notice she was here in the first place or acted disgusted when they did. Boohooo it's Death, here to turn your milk and burn your crops. Ugh. At least there was the food. Everything in the Underworld was just so bland; Tooru would legit kill for ice-cream. Eheh _kill_...get it? Since she's Death...nevermind.

The point was, Tooru wasn't supposed to be here and therefore couldn't be blamed for what came after. Also she might or might not have been slightly drunk. A bit. Nobody should expect her to handle the tedious company of her peers without the backup of ambrosia, okay. Just because Aizawa flatly refused to go, Tooru had to in order to represent her turf to the god community. However, nobody said she had to do it _sober_.

"I can't believe she's letting _him_ out," a minion of Nyx hissed to his companion, without noticing the presence of an eavesdropper. "Among normal people. It's a disgrace."

"Relax." The other lickbooter, a woman with ridiculously flashy golden curls chuckled. "Nothing he can do right now. And Lady Nyx can control him in any case."

Uh, someone even more hated than herself. Shocking. Curious, Tooru turned toward the place they were staring at and caught sight of _him_.

A man, barely out of childhood, standing alone in the middle of crowd. He had the same purple hair as his mother, the same slender frame, her sigil sewn on his cloths. And he wore a muzzle.

A black, ugly, horrifying _muzzle_ covered the lower part of his face. Tooru wanted to throw up at the simple sight of it, and she had seen fucked up things before. Boy, hadn't she.

"Who's that?" she chirped from somewhere near the man's elbow, sounding falsely cheerful.

The other two jumped in surprise to the sudden question. Stared around them frantically, looking for the intruder. Then realized what an a voice coming from nowhere meant.

"La-Lady Hades!" the woman exclaimed, squinting at the spot where she must assume Tooru was. "We didn't see you."

 _Pfff, you don't say_. "It's fine! So, who's that?"

"He's Nyx's son" The man bowed obsequiously in her general direction. Real helpful, half the people in here were the Night Goddess's progeny, one way or another. She certainly had been _busy_ for the last millenia. "Dolos."

Uh. _Deception_. Ain't that an ominous name. "I see, I see! And he has a muzzle because..?"

Tooru hoped it was a poor fashion choice. She really did.

"Ah that! Dolos has a wicked and dangerous power. His voice can enchant the strongest of gods to obey his will. But worry not, with the muzzle he cannot do anything."

Ah. _What a goddamn relief_. Tooru left the two sycophants without saying another word, mechanically stealing Minion's glass on her way out. She couldn't stop staring at him. Dolos. He seemed so blank. Empty. Almost defeated, she might have said. If not for the spark of _defiance_ flickering behind his apparent indifference.

Interesting.

' _Don't even think about it_ ,' her inner Aizawa warned. ' _Just walk away and forget about it_." Yes well. People who bailed on their own duty had no room to talk, so there.

Tooru was pissed, drunk and she fucking. Loathed. _Abuse_.

Dolos blinked at her when she slided in front of him. Uh, unusual. People rarely noticed her unless she decided otherwise, especially if they had never met her before. And most people didn't meet Death more than once.

He had pretty eyes. Exhausted, _dead looking_ , but pretty.

"Hey! I'm Tooru!" she said with a wave and a beam he wouldn't be able to see. Meh, she knew it was there, so it counted. "This party is hella boring, dontcha think?"

Dolos tilted his head to the side. Silently suggesting to her to get to the point already or just to get lost, or so she assumed. Okay. Tooru could do that.

"How about we leave this place, huh? My home is like, _way cooler_."

He didn't said no. In his eyes she read he was absolutely consenting, so technically Toru didn't kidnap anyone ever. At least that was her story and she was sticking to it.

.

"Tooru." Aizawa gave her the What Have You Done Again You Foolish Child Look. "I think you took something with you on accident. Something that doesn't belong to you. Better sent it back before we have a problem."

Unfair. Centuries later, and Thanatos still talked to her like she was a petulant kid playing at her job. She owned this place, for fuck's sake. She was his boss and he could at least pretend to respect her authority.

"Oh right!" She turned toward Dolos, putting her hand over her mouth in a fake gesture of shock. "I hadn't noticed, silly me! Guess they'll have to stay around, now they're here. Unless you want to fill the paperwork to extradite a soul of the Underworld? Cause I don't."

Aizawa visibly grimaced. She wasn't half proud of that achievement. "Tooru. _Lady Hades_. He can't stay here."

"I don't see why not. The dude paid his due." Tooru shrugged. Technically she had paid his due but he had been the one to give the coin to the ferryperson. He had earned his place here fair and square. She was the boss and she said so. "Unless he wants to leave…"

Dolos blinked placidly without offering any answer, positive or negative. Tooru had removed the muzzle as soon as they got out and _pulverized_ the goddamn thing, but she had yet to hear his voice. She was lowkey vexed he hadn't try to enchant her. Tooru was _hot shit_. She was so worth enchanting.

"Dolos is Nyx's, she won't…" Aizawa sighed.

"Shinsou."

At the sudden noise, they both turned toward the minor god. Tooru was actually gaping and Aizawa looked...slightly less exasperated with everything.

"My name is Shinsou. Shinsou Hitoshi." Dolos declared, his voice raspy with lack of use, but understandable nonetheless. "I would like to stay here. If it's possible."

Oh no. Oh no, _he had a sexy voice_. Maybe that was what they meant by _enchanting power_. "Ye-yeah! Of course! I totally offered after all!"

Aizawa closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. But when Nyx shows up, you deal with her on your own. I don't even want to see her."

Pfff. Tooru could so deal with Nyx. She _could_. "It's a deal."

.

.

It always amused Tooru how people genuinely thought they could just summon her with a goat offering, lavender incenses, and fancy prayers to LADY HADES, MASTER OF DEATH, OVERLORD OF THE UNDERWORLD, ANSWER MY CALL. Bitch, she was Death. _The Death_. If it was that easy for a living human to force her to obey their will, then everyone would do it.

Sometimes, she actually replied to the summon. Just to see how they squirmed when they realized she wasn't bound for shit. And yes, she got bored _that much_. People who hadn't spent the last centuries doing the exact same job had no room to judge her.

Anyway, Tooru was busy avoiding Aizawa's fury for not attending to the Tribunal when she heard the call. A surprisingly potent and sweet prayer, if she might say so. Well, it was as good as an excuse to get out of Hell as anything else. She allowed the pull to drag her to the poor soul who had attempted to bind her.

The room she landed in was small, dark and smelt like thyme. Uh, thyme incense. Original. And it was located in...oh. Oh _shit_.

Hermes's nest. Damn. Hawks was notoriously chill for a Powerful And Mighty God but it was really bad etiquette to just pop in his home without a warning. As in, _war worthy_ bad etiquette. Welp. Maybe if she just...left, he wouldn't notice?

"Lady Hades?" A deep voice rose from the shadows. "Are thou among us?"

Who was _us?_ Tooru almost snorted. Her little eye spied only one guy. A very...bird-like guy. Who obviously had to be related to the Great Birdie himself. His demigod son, she would venture, according to his power levels. Wasn't that _inconvenient_?

"You rang?" She said, instead of the grandiose, dramatic and terrifying speech she usually pulled out for those moments.

Bird Head froze for a second. He probably wasn't expecting that kind of informal tone from the Queen Of Darkness. To his merit, he got back on track very quick and bowed low in her general direction, as appropriate of their difference in station. "Please forgive this servant for his boldness. I could think of no other way to talk to Queen of Darkness privately. I will accept my punishment as you see fit."

Tooru hummed non-committedly. Well. It was kind of nice to get some respect that wasn't tinged by fear, she had to admit. But like. _Queen of Darkness?_ Despite her titles and her reputation, Tooru was a ray of sunshine okay. _A ray of fucking sunshine._ "Hm, we'll see. And you summoned me becaaaause…?"

"I have heard you stole Nyx's son in her own home under the cover of the night, and that she failed to retrieve him," he carefully said.

"No comment on the subject," Tooru gleefully replied, just like Yamada, her self-proclaimed public relations expert, had advised her to.

"...I see. In the case the rumors have some truths in it, I would like to know if it would be possible for Her Grace to steal me as well," Bridie declared, rushing the end of his sentence with embarrassment.

What. Just. _What_. "You...want me.. _to steal you_?" she repeated, astonished by the absurdity of the entire notion.

"Indeed I do," Bridie confirmed, sounding serious as fuck. "Tis extremely improper of my unworthy person, but if you would deign to accept my request, I shall serve you with all I have."

Wow. Nobody ever... _wanted_ to go to the Underworld for the fun of it. It just didn't happen. She wasn't sure how to reply. " _Why_?"

Birdie cleared his throat, his dark feathers colored of a light pink. Blushing? How adorable. "I'm the son of Hermes. Demigod son, to be more precise. I have always lived here, and been treated right, but I never felt at my place. Since the day of my hatching, I have felt...a calling. For the Darkness."

Tooru nodded along. She didn't get it. She certainly never heard such a calling. She hadn't so much joined the darkness of her own accord as been thrown head first into it. "Uhuh, I see."

"Which is why as soon as I heard you stole another god, I knew I had to at least try." Hawks' little birdie finished his tragic backstory with a another respectful bow.

Well. As previously stated, Tooru had never found herself in that situation before. She wasn't exactly sure of the protocol she was supposed to follow. Meh. She _was_ the protocol.

"I mean, hypothetically, I could do that." Tooru mused out loud. "But I really don't want to get in trouble with your dad, ya know?"

Hawks was actually one of her few relatives she had a good relationship with. She had no wish to mess that up by kidnapping his kid under his nose. Though he was extremely accommodating and laid back, he could be a tricky bitch when angered. Tooru liked tricky bitches on her side, not actively working against her.

"I can promise you he won't. I left a letter explaining everything." Birdie pointed at his dark wood desk. "My father respects the freedom to choose our way in life."

Ah. In that case, Tooru had literally no reason to say no. The more, the merrier, or something. Yeah, she would say that Aizawa. He would love it, for sure. "Didja pack your stuff, pretty bird? Cause you and I, we're gonna hit the Underworld like whoa."

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As a rule, people had the unfortunate tendency to underestimate the influence of Thirteen over the Underworld. They thought, 'they're just a ferryperson with a money collector side job.' They thought, 'Lady Hades is the real leader of this turf.' But anyone who had the power to make a god regret their life choices in one single glance was truly worthy of fearful respect.

"Welcome back Lady Hades," they said in their usual neutral tone. "I see you brought a new...guest."

"Ehe." Tooru laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "That's eer…Tokoyami. Say hello to our wonderful, indispensableferryperson, Thirteen."

(All ferrypeople were called by numbers. None had tried to break the tradition before.)

"I thank you for your assistance, Sir Thirteen." Tokoyami bowed once again. "You truly are a exceptional servant of Darkness."

Oh Birdie. He was such a riot. They would get along _famously_ with Shinsou, without a doubt.

"Oho, so polite," Thirteen commented, sounding pleased under the hood, but who could tell with them. "Do you have the payment, little one?"

"I would have not dare to come without paying my due." Tokoyami handed over the coin solemnly.

"Everyone on board then!" Tooru cheered, and jumped on the boat. "I can't wait to tell my dearest Thanatos the happy news!"

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Death walked most often among the dreary corridors of hospices and the bloody soil of battlefield. In the end, the call of pestilence, famine and war was strong enough even Tooru could not refuse to answer it.

She hated war so much. It was perfectly avoidable nonsense that pushed way too much work into her lap, for _nothing_. It was all fun and giggles until she tripped on guts and smashed brain. Did humans even realize the cursed amount of paperwork their petty bickering caused, huh? They didn't think of that, did they?

Tooru hated war, and she hated the gods who revelled in it even more.

"Death!" A manic voice, sounding like thunder, hellfire, and collapsing empires rose from her left. "Fucking finally! You took your sweet time."

Victory. Of fucking course. Who else would cause such a ruckus out of nowhere?

Bakugou Katsuki, son of Ares, the incarnation of Victory and the most petulant brat the Earth ever had to endure. Used to be known as the _daughter_ of Ares, but everyone had tactfully agreed it was better to not mention that after Bakugou had made his point known to whoever had the terrible idea to question his gender to his face.

Due to their respective nature, Tooru and he were...let's say _dubious acquaintances_. By that she meant Victory gleefully slaughtered his way out of his problems, and Tooru was duty-bound to pick the pieces after him.

What an ass. He was so used to Death by now she actively had to concentrate to hide from his crazy, bloodthirsty, _creepy_ crimson glare.

"Ya know, if you wanted to talk to me, you could have just send a letter." Tooru rolled her eyes as he swiped the end of his spear on the coat of a corpse.

"You're so fucking boring." Bakugou growled, the white gold of his hair shining under the merciless sun. "I heard you've been _busy_ lately."

Tooru had a moment of confusion at the sudden change of subject. Ah, well. He must be talking about her new 'kidnapping' hobby. Unfortunately, she had no interest in chatting about that with him. Or anyone really. When in doubt, acting like an idiot was always a sure choice. "Ehe, I'm Death, silly! When aren't I busy?"

 _I'm always busy cleaning after you_ , she thought grimly.

"You've been kidnapping gods and keeping them in that creepy basement of yours." Bakugou grinned, never one to beat around the bush. "I want in."

Tooru was not afraid to admit her brain had a legit moment of blackout for about ten seconds. He possibly couldn't have asked what she just thought he asked. They hated each other. Actually Bakugou hated _everyone_. "I'm sorry, _what?_ "

"Bitch, you heard me," Victory snarled. After centuries of existence, he had yet to learn how to ask politely for anything. "I wanna go to the Underworld. So you better take me there."

" _Why_." Tooru moaned with heartfelt despair. It was one thing for a emo demi-god to go out of his way to get 'stolen', it was quite another when Victory, the proudest and most independant god she knew, did the same. In his own...backward, socially awkward kind of way.

"You've got some really strong monsters there. I wanna fight them. Stop asking stupid stuff and just take me to Hell already."

Well that made sense, in Victory's twisted logic. Sort of. "Absolutely not," she firmly replied, shuddering at the simple thought of Bakugou unleashed on her territory. Out of question. No way in _hell_ \- pun totally intended.

"What." Bakugou's eyes narrowed threateningly. "I ain't pretty enough for your taste, is that it?"

Oh dear. Did he genuinely thought _that_ was the problem, and not his aggressive, uncontrollable and warmongering behavior? Damn, Tooru would love to get a peek on the inside of this guy's brain. Just to see what it felt like to live in his reality.

The thing was, Bakugou _was_ pretty _._ Very pretty. Disturbingly pretty. So handsome it was blatantly unfair. Like, those muscles should be illegal. And boy, don't get her started on his arms. The worst part had to be that, whether you liked it or not, Bakugou naturally and unconsciously displayed enough charisma you couldn't help watching him. Tooru might despise his shitty attitude, but she had no choice but to reluctantly admire his determination.

 _She_ was perfectly aware of his power of attraction, thank you very much. If anything, Bakugou was the one who didn't seem to realize how magnetic he could be. Bakugou acted like he was just made of blood, anger, yelling and fighting, wrapped in a pretty packaging. As far as she knew, he never tried to use his sex appeal on anyone. He'd never had any lover either.

Not that she was actively following the gossip about Victory or anything. Because she wasn't. Nope.

"I just don't want you causing issues in my turf," Tooru explained. "You're problematic enough for me when you're not even directly under my jurisdiction."

"Think about it, dumbass." Victory outright smirked. Which wasn't doing anything to her insides. _Nothing at all_. "I can't kill anyone if I'm in the _realm of the dead_ , can I?"

Tooru blinked. Uh. She hadn't thought of it like that. Getting Bakugou out of the mortal world, where he wouldn't be able to leave mountains of corpses in his way, would actually be a relief. But on the other hand, she had no wish to run damage control in her own home. Because there _would_ be damage. Victory couldn't fight his nature any more than Tooru could.

As if he could read the refusal on her face he quickly said, "It's not like I'm gonna be there forever. It's just a vacation, dumbass." There was something vulnerable under his scowling facade. "Who would even _want_ to permanently live in that dump? I just... Just take me there, already!"

Damn. That was as close to pleading Tooru would ever get of him. He was pushing her sentimental buttons shamelessly. She knew the relationship between Victory and his father Ares wasn't...great. Not even _cordial_ , to be honest.

There was a reason Bakugou was...whatever he was.

Cursed her bleeding heart. She groaned in resignation. "Fine. But the second you start misbehaving, I'm throwing your ass in Tartarus. Don't think I won't."

"You can _try_."

It was an awful, terrible idea. All of it. Aizawa was going to kill her for real this time. She didn't know why she did those things to herself.

Whatever. Worth it.

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"You need fill this form, please," Moros, also known as Sir Nighteye, which suited him perfectly, god of Fate and local professional killjoy declared, pushing the aforementioned papers toward Bakugou.

Bakugou grabbed the ridiculously long agreement contract and started reading furiously.

"I can't believe you created paperwork for _consensual kidnapping_." Tooru put her head between her hands. "It's not a _thing_."

"My apologies Lady Hades, but obviously it is _a thing_ now.' Sir Nighteye rose an eyebrow, staring at her new 'hostage' pointedly. "One is happentence. Two is a coincidence. Three is a pattern."

"You knew this would happen." She glared at her advisor. "You could have stopped this nonsense."

"Fate cannot be stopped."

Fucking. Smug. Dickhead. Nobody respected her in this place. That being said, without Fate handling the administrative part of the job, her realm would have crumbled forever ago. He was indispensable, and he knew it.

"Oi!" Bakugou cut in sharply. "It says here I'm not allowed to attempt to murder the staff."

"Yes," Sir Nighteye confirmed without batting an eyelash. "Will that be an issue?"

"...where is the line between training and 'attempting to murder'?"

Tooru was so out of here.

.  
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Needless to say, the cohabitation between Shinsou 'Sarcasm Is My Lifestyle' Hitoshi, Tokoyami 'Emo Is The Only Way' Fumikage and Bakugou 'Lord Explosion Kill' Katsuki was nothing if not... _lively_. After two months, Tooru was ready to murder to get a minute of peace. She just wanted one day without drama. Just. _One day_. Was it so much to ask for?

Apparently, it was.

"There she is! Sero, do the thing!"

Tooru felt more than she saw the net fall over her, and immediately pass right through her body. What. The. Hell. What kind of idiots thought they could just capture Death with a cheap hemp net and a...cake? Sure, it had sort of worked since she _was_ here but. For fuck's sake. Seriously. She was lowkey offended by the lack of efforts. They could have _tried_ at least. They could have use a magical net, made of unicorn hair or some shit. That was just sloppy work and she deserved better.

"Really guys?" She deadpanned. " _Really_."

The three minor deities and the demigod responsible for this pathetic trap had the decency to look embarrassed.

"I knew it wouldn't work," the black haired one said reproachfully to his accomplices. "You never listen to me."

"Shuddup, you knew nothing," the pink-skinned goddess grumbled.

Tooru took a piece of the cake meant to attract her. Eh, not bad. The taste of sedative kind of ruined it though. They all stared hopefully at her, and deflated visibly when they realized she wasn't about to drop unconscious anytime soon.

"Is it good at least?" The deity with spiky red hair asked. He seemed sincerely interested in her answer. _Adorable_. "I worked hard on that cake."

"Good enough!" Tooru gave him the thumb up. "You need to work on your texture I guess? Anyway. What's your deal people?"

"We want our cousin back, Death!" The pink-skinned one proclaimed fiercely as the others cheered in approval. "He's a annoying piece of crap, but he's ours and we're very bored without him!"

...Cousin? Did they meant _Bakugou?_ Oh. Now she recognized them. The red-haired was Cratos, god of Strength, the woman was Bila, the incarnation of Force, and the one who threw the net on her was Zelus, Zeal — three siblings known to follow Victory everywhere he went. Alongsided them was a demigod...one of Zeus's many, many bastard childs, according to the lightening thrill shivering under his skin.

"If you're referring to Bakugou, by all mean, _please_ do take him back." Tooru laughed, genuinely amused that anyone would think she would keep Bakugou locked in her home _on purpose_. "He broke my dinnerware and constantly ruins my sleep pattern. Plus he terrifies my dog."

True story. She wouldn't have thought Cerberus could be scared by anyone. He certainly never showed that kind of respect to _her_ , his master.

"See, I told you Bakubro wouldn't have never let himself be _stolen_." Cratos nudged his sister in the side.

"Oh, right. Sorry about the...net and stuff." The blond demigod gestured at her sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it," Tooru chirped in response. Cake always put her in a good mood. "I'm used to it! Well, if everything is settled…"

"Wait!" Zelus loudly interrupted her. "Could you...steal us too? Please?"

For fuck's sake. Not this shit _again_. Why was everyone acting like the Underworld was an goddamn hotel? It was the _Underworld_ , not a fancy tourist destination. Tooru was a mighty and fearsome god. Grrr.

Meh. Frankly, at that point, four more freeloaders wouldn't change anything. Sure, she liked to complain, but seeing her home so lively was...kind of nice. Somehow. Also she heard those three were the only ones able to reign in Bakugou's madness. A least a bit. She would take what she could get.

"If you promise to bake cakes again," she mused out loud, "I might consider it. What about you?" she said to the blond demigod. "They're his close family, but you're not."

He bristled at the question. "Hey! I'm Bakubro's brother _in my soul_!...Okay, I've got nothing better to do and all the cool kids are doing it. I don't want to be the only one not cool enough to be stolen by Death, ya know?"

...Valid.

Tooru snapped her fingers and her grim chariot lead by two dark horses erupted from the earth. The Bakugou Squad whistled in awe, as they ought to.

"Get in, bitches." Tooru grinned at their slack-jawed expressions. "I hope you guys don't mind the speed."

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.

"Honey." Kayama put her hand on Tooru's shoulder and smiled smugly. Centuries of cohabitation later, Tooru still didn't know how the Sleep Goddess always managed to know where she was. "I just want you to know how proud I am of you."

That couldn't be good. Hypnos and she had very different opinions on things they should be proud of.

"You gathered so many pretty boys for yourself." Kayama dramatically wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "And now a girl! My little Tooru has grown up so fast."

"Kayama, it's not...like that, and you know it." Why was everyone around her like this?

The older woman went on gleefully, ignoring the denial. "I was worried about you never getting some action, and here you are! Building your own harem by yourself!"

"A harem?" Kirishima repeated bewilderedly, as his three companions gaped silently. "What harem?"

"There is no harem! No. Harem. Whatsoever." Tooru hissed, mortified beyond words.

"You keep telling yourself that, hon." Kayama patted the top of her head condescendly. "Just remember your Big Sis is one hundred percent supporting you."

"I wish I was part of a harem, though," Kaminari said instead of shutting his mouth as he should have. "It would be _wicked_."

"Mood," Mina agreed.

Kirishima and Sero nodded along.

"Big mood."

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Out of her crowd of 'lifelong guests', Shinsou was the only one who still bothered with knocking. That's why he was her favorite. No wonder he was the only one she actually kidnapped in the first place.

"Lady Hades," he greeted in his usual flat tone. "There is a problem at the Gate."

A problem? Amazing. Tooru _loved_ problems. She wouldn't have stolen seven of those if she didn't. Okay, fine, she was ready to do about anything to escape the pile of paperwork Yagi had dropped on her desk. _Anything_.

"What kind of problem?" she asked as she sprang to her feet. "Tell me it's something good, Shinsou."

Her antics managed to drag out a small grin from the stoic god. "I'll try. A mortal hero is making a ruckus at Hell's entrance. He says he won't leave until he can fight you in a fair duel."

A fair duel? How cute. She was _Death_. There was no fair duel against her. She always won in the end. One way or another.

"He can wait until he's dead then," she said with a cackle. "How did he even pass the Styx? Cerberus?"

"No idea." Shinou shrugged indifferently. "It's not only him. There is a witch and a prince with him as well."

A hero, a witch and a prince. The perfect dream team for an epic quest to the Underworld. Looked like fun. "Uhuh. I'll be on my way then. Thanks for telling me, sweetie!"

The thing she saw before she warped out to the Gate was the light blush blossoming on Shinsou's pale cheeks. _Adorable_.

When she arrived, the entrance to Hell was already overcrowded with souls awaiting judgement, all curiously watching the still-living humans sitting on the ground, waiting on the banks of the Styx. The witch — a brunette with a round face and purple dress, her mouth grim with resolve and her muscles tensed — looked ready to fight with her bare fists if she had to. Next to her was a prince, his back stiff and his armor gleaming, the very incarnation of _justice_ against _evil_.

And then there was the Hero. Frankly, he didn't looked like much with his pretty green curls and cute freckles, but those muscles and multiple scars weren't for show. Neither was the flame of pure determination burning in his eyes.

Oh. It was _Deku_. Even Tooru, from the depth of her Hell Hole had heard of his exploits. He was a mere mortal, a nobody, without the blood of a god in his veins to back him up, who had somehow made a name for himself.

Ehe. Tooru had to admit she was kind of flattered. She could not show up without giving her best. They had walked all the way down after all. Such dedication deserved to be rewarded.

"Mortals!" She boomed in her darkest, most thunderous Evil Goddess Of Hell voice for the occasion. "Who dares to defy Death in her own Kingdom?"

The three heroes jumped to their feet, looking fierce and slightly terrified.

"I do!" Deku proclaimed, his scarred hand grasping the hilt of his bronze sword. "I have come to free the innocents you stole from their home and their family, Lady of Death!"

Oh, Tooru deflated with disappointment. Oh _that._ What a let down. Pfff, _innocents_? That was the most hilarious joke she had heard in a while. None of those assholes could pretend to have an innocent bone in their whole body.

"Sure," Tooru flicked her hand dismissively, dropping the dramatic tone for her usual voice. She was hardly in the mood anymore. "You can go fetch them. Be my guest. Actually, please do, _hero._ "

"Errr, my apologies Ma'am, but what do you mean by…" the prince started.

Tooru snapped her fingers. They teleported into her living room, where most of her squatters were gathered, making embarrassments of themselves. A relatively normal day in Hell.

"Wicked cool," the witch whispered reverently at the beauty of the spell, holding her royal companion by the arm. Poor thing looked like he wasn't feeling very well. Teleportation wasn't gentle to every stomach, to be fair.

"Freeloaders!" Tooru said gleefully. "Those brave heroes have come to save your _innocent souls_ from my _evil clutches._ Pack your stuff; vacation's over!"

Six pairs of eyes turned to the three confused mortals.

"What? No way? I love it there!"

"I appreciate the consideration, but I am in no need of rescuing for the moment."

"No."

"Who's gonna take care of the flowers in Elysium, huh? _Who_?"

"I'm _this close_ to get Cerberus to fetch the ball! I ain't leaving now!"

"Yeah, same! I refuse to move out until I see Aizawa smile at least once in my life!"

"Mina, give up. It's just...never going to happen. You're too hard on yourself, girl."

"Welp," the witch deadpanned, soothingly rubbing the prince's back. "This is embarrassing."

Deku made a sound as he was dying and crying at the same time, bowing frantically to both where he thought Tooru was standing and her so called hostages. " _Imsosorrryohmygod_. _I thought you were all kidnapped."_

"Hey, we _were_ kidnapped! Stolen, fair and square! No take backs!" Kaminari puffed his chest with indignation, as his three buddies nodded along furiously.

Just when Tooru thought the situation couldn't possibly get more chaotic, _Bakugou_ happened. Tooru might die of laughter if this shit kept happening.

"FUCKING DEKU!" Bakugou yelled as he stormed in the living room, literally oozing wrath and rage. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE WIMP?"

"Ka-kacchan!" Deku hiccuped, actually sobbing of... _joy_? "You're okay! I-I thought you needed help!"

"HELP? FROM YOUR NERDY, USELESS ASS? I'LL SHOW YOU HELP!"

Gold. Literal gold right there, Tooru thought to herself as she watched Victory tackle Deku to the floor and proceeded to enthusiastically beat the crap out of each other. What a youthful demonstration of tough love.

"Eh. Poker, anyone?" The witch smiled, casually pulling a card deck from her pocket.

Poker, right? A woman after Tooru's own heart. She was going to strip them all. "Bring it on."

.

.

"Midoriya, my boy?" Yagi Toshinori - the exceptional soul she had picked as her Secretary after he asked to do 'something useful' instead of chilling in Elyseum as he deserved - sobbed at the sight of the Hero. "Is that you, my boy?"

"All Might!" Deku replied in kind, tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Midoriya!"

"All Might!"

Tooru wasn't crying dammit.

.  
.

"So, can we like...stay?"

"Ugh. Knock yourself out, buddy. No one here cares about my opinion anyway."

.

.

At some point, Tooru decided she might as well live up to reputation and actually kidnap people who would be _useful_ to her.

She stole a satyr with an unparalleled talent to tame beasts, and the shyest nature she had ever met, especially for a _satyr_. Poor dude was so unhappy and embarrassed by his shameless and loud horde, and she needed someone to handle Cerberus.

She stole a naiad with the power to create anything, whose incredible ability had gotten her exploited by her family. With all the furniture her squatters broke daily, she could use someone like that. What least that was what she told herself when she whisked the beautiful woman away.

She stole a mortal, just because he could cook really, _really_ well and he didn't say no.

"Guys, this is Kouda, Yaomomo, and Sato," Tooru casually announced when she walked back with her fresh victims in tow. "You better be nice to them or I'll lock you up in Tartarus. Or worse, with _Mineta."_

"Duly noted."

"Oi, no need to be mean."

"Welcome to Hell, bros!"

.

.

"What," Tooru said with a deceptively bright tone. "Do you think you're doing?"

Yamada, alias Hecate, god of magic, smiled blissfully at her like he had no clue what the problem was. "Hey, Boss! May I introduce you to our new friend, Jirou?"

The girl with a stylistically uneven cut and a top class unimpressed expression waved in Tooru's direction. "Yo."

"Hello!" Tooru replied, because she wasn't rude, unlike some people. She quickly turned back toward her official magician with a stiff smile. "What's a Muse doing here, Yamada?"

"I stole her! Since it's our current trend or something." Yamada screeched with delight, clearly unashamed. "You're gonna love her. She can play practically all instruments under the sun And her voice is sooooo pretty!"

Her trend. It was _her_ trend, and it wasn't a trend at all. "And what's your opinion on the matter?" she asked the girl. "I can take you back if you want, no questions asked."

"Yeah, I'm cool." The Muse tilted her head to the side. "I just have one little question. Are you like...running around naked?"

"No comment!" She cheerfully said.

" _Iconic_ ," Jirou mumbled reverently.

.

.

Tooru knew Persephone was trouble before he even opened his pretty mouth. People that unnaturally beautiful couldn't be anything else. The eeriness of the aura of perfection surrounding him was trouble. The solemnity of his steps and the grace of his movements were trouble. Even the burn scar over his left eye only managed to accentuate the delicacy of his features.

The deep sadness and tragic despair glowing behind his mask of indifference tugged on her heartstrings dangerously. Trouble, trouble, _trouble_.

In her defence, she tried to stay away. She really did. To this day, she still have no idea how he managed to corner her in private. She was Death. She shouldn't be _cornerable_. By anyone. Clearly, this proved Tooru shouldn't be allowed to attend parties. At all. Just look at what happened to the last one, and the chaos that ensued.

"Lady Hades," Persephone bowed respectfully, his ponytail of half red, half white hair blowing softly with the breeze behind his back. "I have a request."

"Yes? A snack? A dance? A _hug_?" Tooru tried hopefully.

 _Don't ask me to steal you_ , she thought to herself. She could get away with a lot, but that...That was too much to ask of her. Anyone, but Endeavor's prized puppet. Literally _anyone_ but him.

Persephone froze. Silently stared at her with those two-toned soulful eyes of his. And took a deep breath. "I apologize for the trouble. I would like for you to steal me."

And there. He said it. Fuck this. "Lord Persephone, I-I really cannot. I'm sorry. Really."

On the surface Persephone didn't bat an eyelash. But Tooru knew how to read hidden despair, as clear as day. She could not _not_ see how crushed the god was by her refusal, no matter how much she wished she didn't have to.

"I am...prepared to beg if I need to." He said, sounding like a man who never had to beg in his life.

"Please don't," Tooru sincerely mumbled. "It's not personal or anything. But your father is _Endeavor_. One of the most powerful gods up there. I'm no pushover but I can't just... _steal his son_ right under his nose."

Tooru ruled the Underworld. She had responsibilities, toward her land, toward her people. She simply couldn't afford to start a war with the most vindictive god of the surface for the sake of one man she hardly knew.

"I'm very strong. I'll train your soldiers. I'll guard Tartarus. I'll play with Cerberus. I don't know how to cook or clean but I can learn. I'll do anything. _Please_." Persephone vowed, bowing so low in front of her it was indecent.

Oh dear. Tooru could imagine it already. Persephone reading quietly with Shinsou, Yaomomo and Tokoyami, tucked on the comfy seats of the library, his legs hidden under him so he took as little place as possible. Persephone avoiding Victory as the god tried to get him to _fight to death fucking Icy Hot_. A confused Persephone following the Baku Squad as they dragged him to the Elysium fields, made races on the hills and put flowers in his hair. Persephone listening to the stories of Deku, Uraraka and Iida's _rad adventures_ , smiling secretly as Deku lost himself to his side ramblings and Uraraka had to gently guide him back to the topic. Patting Cerberus with Kouda, thanking Sato for the food, laughing, smiling, being _happy_.

Oh no. Oh hell no. "Lord Persephone. _I truly can't_."

Instead of accepting defeat, Persephone looked to the side, a hint of life coloring his snow white cheeks, and argued back. "I...don't have much experience, but I have been told I'm not too… _ugly_ to look at. I could...warm your bed…"

She didn't hear what she just heard, _did she_? Why was everyone convinced she was a pervert? She only indulged herself in very chaste and pure kidnappings. _All of them_.

"Please stop." Tooru nearly wept out of mortification. " _It's not like that_."

To her ever-lasting relief, Persephone didn't add anything. He probably had used all the arguments he had prepared and was reduced to look at her like a sad puppy, silently begging to be picked.

Which Tooru wasn't going to do. Seriously. No more kidnappings. Especially no kidnappings of Important And Petty People's property. She was a reformed god.

Don't do it. Don't do it. _Don't you dare fucking do it you foolish girl_.

...Dammit.

"Okay FINE!" Tooru's determination crumbled like a house of cards. "Fine! Stop looking at me like that! Only as a temporary arrangement! _Temporary_. And I don't want to hear a word about _beds_ or anything related, okay!"

Tooru was so, _so goddamn weak_. And soon she would be so, _so goddamn dead_.

.

.

"Go on, Todoroki-kun. Everything is fine."

"You know you want to do it, bro."

"Don't worry about her. She'll understand. It's for the greater good."

"Just one seed 'kay? To make sure he won't able to take you away."

"FUCKING EAT THE POMEGRANATE ALREADY, ICY HOT!"

"Kacchan, don't pressure him! It's an important decision!"

"Yeah, Bakubro. Not cool."

"GHOST BITCH COULD BARGE IN ANY SECOND NOW YOU IDIOTS!"

"THEN STOP YELLING!"

And here she had thought her horde of hooligans was out there to admire her beautiful garden. Reality was so cruel.

"Ahem," Tooru cleared her throat. "Ghost bitch is here. And she'd looooove to hear y'all aren't doing what it looks like you're doing."

They all looked away guiltily, except Bakugou, who glared in the general direction of her face, and Todoroki, blinking stoically, a open pomegranate in his hands.

Ripe, juicy. Ready to be _eaten_.

"You fools," Tooru hissed. "Todoroki. Put the pomegranate down. _Slowly_."

No one dared say anything, not even Bakugou. Todoroki calmly stared in her direction, then down at his hands and the cursed fruit he was holding. Gracefully plucked a seed. Put it into his mouth. And swallowed.

Then another. And another. _Another_.

Tooru threw herself at him, knocking them both to the ground. "Throw it up! You goddamn idiot! You'll be trapped here forever!"

Forever. Just like she was. It was different with the others. They were free to leave whenever they wanted. It was bound to happen one day. Nobody _chose_ to stay in Hell permanently. Tooru certainly hadn't.

"Seems awful." Todoroki deadpanned, lying still underneath her. He had the gall to swallow two more seeds before she caught the pomegranate. "Hm. So you're not _actually_ naked…"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" She screeched, jumping off of him.

The half eaten fruit weighted heavily in her palm. Pomegranate trees were the only plants she had managed to grow in the Underworld, aside from the fields of asphodels in Limbo. Elyseum was an exception to the rule, a cocoon of beauty and life tucked inside the wasteland that was her Kingdom, blessed by the King of Gods in person. She had been so proud when, for some mysterious reasons, the saplings she had planted without much hope had actually taken root in her infertile soil and _grew._

So proud.

She took a deep breath, attempting to regain her dignity and control her raising panic. Persephone purposely binding himself to the Underworld didn't really change anything, in the end.

From the moment she stole him, she knew she never intended to give Persephone back to Demeter anyway.

"Welp. I hope you dickheads are ready for war."

.

* * *

.

Ze Pwetty People, aka Tooru's 'Harem':

0 Hagakure Tooru: Hades (Death)

1 Shinsou: Dolos (Deception, Trickery, Guile), son of Nyx

2 Tokoyami: demi-god, son of Hermes (Hawks)

3 Bakugou: Nike (Victory), male trans, son of Ares

4 Kirishima: Cratos (Strength), Sero: Zelus (Zeal), Mina: Bia (Force) → Bakugou's cousins (technically wrong according to Wiki but who cares) + Kaminari: demigod son of Zeus

5: Deku: Mortal Hero who fought Victory many times before. Followed by Uraraka (witch) and Iida (prince). All Might's pupil.

6: Koda (satyr), Yaoyorozu (naiad), Sato (human), Jirou (Muse)

7 Todoroki: Persephone (Life, Spring): son of Demeter (Endeavor). I do know the name means Young Girl (at least the greek equivalent Kore does?), and I appreciate the irony of writing Lord Persephone.

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Hell Staff, aka Tooru's Crew:

1 Thanatos (Death): Aizawa Shouta

2: Charon (Ferryman): Thirteen

3 Moros (Fate): Sir Nighteye

4 Hypnos (Sleep): Kayama Nemuri

5 Yagi: former mortal promoted to Death Secretary

6 Hecate (Magic): Yamada Hizashi

I just want y'all to know I couldn't find a way to include that fact in the story, but Thanatos and Hypnos are twins and Aizawa absolutely resents Kayama for having the monopoly on sleep. That was all.

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I hope I managed to keep everyone mostly in character, especially Tooru. I tried anyway. Please leave a comment on your way out, they feed my thirsty soul.


End file.
